It seems the roads were a little less sane everywhere in the past week. Over in jolly old England, we've got this fellow who was recently arrested for inventing and driving around a motor scooter with an "anti-tailgating flamethrower".
Meanwhile, here in the US, it seems drunk drivers are getting more political. A few days ago, a Nashville man named Harry Weisiger decided to cuss out and ram a car carrying a school teacher and his small daughter, apparently because Harry didn't like the teacher's Obama-Biden bumper sticker.
I really hope this incident doesn't give car insurance companies and accident lawyers any crazy ideas about charging people extra fees based on their political stance.
As if Alaskans don't have enough of a nincompoop reputation to live down after electing and supporting Sarah Palin, apparently their police can't handle a stolen pizza without calling in a SWAT team. According to the Associated Press, Anchorage Police say a plot to steal a delivery man’s pizza warranted use of a SWAT team. The police spokesman says a man trying to deliver a pizza order this weekend was confronted by a guy with a gun and a stick, and then three other young people attacked him from behind, grabbed the pizza he was delivering but ran away without taking his money (wow...genius). The delivery man then followed one of his attackers to a home where police arrested her. The other suspects then barricaded themselves somewhere in the home, prompting authorities to call in a SWAT team that took care of the rest.
Yes folks, SWAT to deal with teenagers stealing pizza. Hmmm... Is there a way to get their oil without keeping the state? :/
Late last year, I shared a news story about Iraqi security forces actually purchasing and attempting to utilize $85,000,000 worth of British-made bomb-detecting magic wands... and I still wish I were making that $#!t up. Well, in recent weeks, it seems that James McCormick, the New Age war profiteer responsible for the 'ADE 561 Bomb Detection Device' was arrested for fraud and is now out on bail. To make the story even more interesting, in the video below, professional skeptic (and Charles Darwin look-alike) James Randi adds extra light to the story by talking about his own history with the ADE 561 dowsing wands.
For those who don't know, James Randi is the head of an organization known as the JREF and is probably best known for offering an as-of-yet unclaimed $1,000,000 prize open to anyone who can demonstrate dowsing, psychic phenomena or any other paranormal claim under proper scientific observing conditions.
Yes, that's right kids, it was one year ago today that I defiled X-mas week by starting this blog and I have ever since been cynically and inconsistently reporting examples of human behavior that makes our species a little more comically asinine each day. In commemoration of Zombie Darwin's first birthday, I've decided to start a tradition of looking back. I took a look at the various categories of the past year's entries and I decided to take the top 4 most frequently posted categories and re-share my personal favorite example from each one...
As much as I would love an excuse to re-post pictures of the beauty queen who was accused of gun running, I've gotta give it up to the stupidity that is the two drunk burglars who, back in October, actually thought permanent maker would make a good disguise. With an incredibly backwards sense of Halloween spirit, these mugshots have since become viral gold and an online masterpiece testament to the depths of amazing criminal stupidity.
Another one from the Halloween season, this is a news story examining prominent fundamentalist Christians in America basically trying to ruin people's fun in late October by making all manner of bizarre supernatural claims. Why can't we all just get along and have some good old fashioned pagan fun once and a while?
I know that attacking the news (particularly in America) on the grounds of stupidity and the spread of cultural idiocy is like shooting a barn door at point blank range, but when you look back at raw facts versus how they were presented to the culture at the time, the H1N1 scare is a disappointing example of social failure.
As much as I want to be surprised that 'music' made the top four categories, I tend to recall posting about things like Klenginem and Russian rap music. Last year, I presented this video a little late for X-mas, but today the sentiment will be on time. Overlapping with the categoriesdouchebag, euro trash, and hot chicks, I'd like to finish by wishing everyone a Happy Holiday season with a little love from Gunther.
Ah, X-Mas and New Years... Called by some "the Silly Season" ...and here's this year's first example why.
Apparently William Caldwell (the guy featured in the photo above) recently went to a shopping mall in an Atlanta suburb and got in line for a picture with Santa. When it was his turn to sit on good old Saint Nick's lap, William claimed that he had a bomb. So, the mall Santa called the police and Caldwell was arrested, because just claiming to have a bomb, even if you do not have one is, in fact, a crime.
I don't know what's sillier, the fact that the story starts with a creepy looking grown man getting in line to see Santa at a mall, or the stupid stunt he's gonna now likely do time for. Oh well, a lump of coal for Little Lying William, and hang in there Holiday lovers, because I'm sure this isn't the only Christmas-related craziness I'll be sharing this month.
When it comes to the level of weirdness this blog tens to aspire to, I have to admit, this one is kinda weak. I know people engage in prostitution and all sorts of other criminal activity on Craigslist all the time... but dammit, it's frikkin' Craigslist! How do you expect to use that site to pull illegal shenanigans and not get caught eventually? Oh well, I guess the vocab term for today is "shank agent"...go use it in a sentence that isn't 1 to 3 years.
I always wondered if I had what it takes to be a parent in our society. I mean, raising and taking care of children in our culture just looks so damn challenging these days. However, if it is now socially acceptable to get a cop to tase and cuff 65 pound preteen girls, as implied by the link below... well, how hard can it all be?
Here's another wacky Florida story. About a week ago, 42 year old David Napodano was arrested in North Naples FL, for exhibiting himself nude while in his truck at a WalMart parking lot. When two passing women chose to be alarmed rather than stimulated, they called police. Now, being stupid enough to get caught by the police while allegedly exposing yourself indecently is one thing, even if you do happen to have some kind of rational explanation for being unclothed in public, but the best Napodano could come up with was to claim that he had to remove all his clothes due to "explosive diarrhea" ...which could almost classify as a viable excuse, except for the fact that diarrhea always produces ...um, shall we say... rather conclusive evidence... of which, none was present.
Well, it seems that my current home town has made international news this week. If you haven't happened to catch the story on CNN or any number of other news channels or shows in the past day, a disgruntled gunman in Orlando Florida was taken into police custody yesterday after shooting six people at his former place of employment in a downtown office tower. Police say that 40 year old Jason Rodriguez (so weird, I used to know a guy with that name) will be charged with first-degree murder and other crimes.
Personally, after reading and viewing different reported accounts of this story, I have to wonder what levels of pain and frustration brings someone to engage in such intense behavior. Part of me almost wants to feel bad for the guy. However, based on what I know of the story, none of Rodriguez's personal problems were life-or-death and it all just seems to boil down to an example of a sadly irresponsible person taking his own problems out on others at immense cost... and in a state with the death penalty... good job there.
Not sure what the guy on the right was going for, but the guy on the left makes me think of Nightwing from DC Comics. :P
Anyhoo... I don't think I've ever seen a news piece with so many rightfully placed one liners (and potential for more) than this CNN story a close friend shared on Facebook this morning. Apparently, police in Iowa recently captured two drunk burglars who disguised themselves by drawing on their faces with permanent marker... that's right, permanent marker... a great disguise that you can't ditch in a pinch. Although, it is almost ironic that they were supposedly drunk, because over the years, I've found the best way to clean permanent marker off of most surfaces is rubbing alcohol.
So, I was bouncing around some travel blogs today and while on Travelbyte.blogspot.com, I noticed the following MSNBC news story that, like most things I post here, left me fairly speechless short of my favorite acronym: "W-T-F" :)
So, now let's hypothetically say that you have a son in junior high school and he has just gone through one of his first little romantic breakups. Realistically dismayed, as a parent, there are always at least two options:
A. Do your best to console the poor kid by drawing on your own life experiences, wisely knowing that the child is still young, and when it comes to that kind of love, this isn't even the beginning.
B. Find some relatives of the girl who dumped your little boy and go Jason Voorhees on their asses.
For going with option B, the mother in this story easily gets a rating of 7 Zombie Darwins.
OK, let's say you're an undercover cop specializing in cyber-crime and your current assignment is busting pedophiles who solicit children online. I imagine, in that role, you'd have to think that any perpetrator ever caught being so unbelievably reprehensible would so dread being caught ever again that a repeat offender would likely:
1. Change up their M.O. a bit. 2. Consider skipping town permanently. 3. Try to learn from the experience of getting caught, as to not fall for the same tricks and procedures again. 4. Change up their daily habits as to... Hmmm, let's say... not be found and busted pulling into the exact same flippin' parking spot they were arrested in before, possibly giving the arresting officer deja vu.
Well, fortunately for Lt. Jeff Braley of Warren County in Ohio, according to the link below, one of his perps was apparently way too stupid for all of that.
So, big-time kudos to Lt. Braley for his work ...but to Christopher Sefakis of South Lebanon Ohio, I am going to have to give you a rating of 8 out of 10 Zombie Darwins and a bonus of one castrated bipolar werewolf, effective the instant your sorry ass is found guilty! I mean, for the love of God, Mr. Sefakis... I have to say, the thankful super-singular upside to you liking young boys:
According to a recent Associated Press story, a reigning Mexican beauty queen and former preschool teacher was arrested on Monday in a truck filled weapons, cash and ammunition. Apparently, Laura Zuniga (AKA: Miss Sinaloa 2008) was a favorite for the next Miss International Pageant; but now after taking a ride in one of two trucks suspected of drug smuggling and containing AR-15 assault rifles, 9mm handguns and an assload of spare cash and ammo... well, I don't see more crowns happening any time soon for this gorgeous chicka. To make matters worse, and help her story land in this blog, apparently Ms. Zuniga's cover story before guns were found in her truck was that she was traveling with friends to go shopping in Columbia. Shopping in Columbia? That's what she thought up? Seriously?!? Nothing against Colombians at large, but anyone who has ever done any kind of serious traveling knows, unless you are actually trying to get authorities to raise an eyebrow, Colombia is a place that you never even mention unless you absolutely have to. Hell, just being from there disqualifies your right to even enter certain nicer countries! *sigh*
It pains me to do this, cuz she's so damn hot... but Laura Zuniga, I'm gonna have to give you at least 7 Zombie Darwins for this one... oh, and to all the film directors out there: if anyone ever turns this story into a movie, there had damn well better be a hot-ass prison shower scene!
